Mentoring isn’t coaching or teaching. Learn how to find mentors who genuinely invest in your growth, and how to mentor others by sharing real experience.
Last year, a recent graduate approached me at a tech conference. She was working at a convenience store kiosk, running their systems, handling post office services, and onboarding new staff. She wanted to break into tech but couldn’t get interviews. Within months of working together, she landed her first paid job in tech.
What made it work wasn’t magic. It was seeing transferable skills she’d dismissed as “just retail.” It was rewriting her CV to show what she actually did. It was being direct about which unpaid coding projects were worth her time and which were draining energy she needed elsewhere.
This is what mentoring actually is: sharing your lived experience to guide someone’s growth. It’s not coaching (asking questions), sponsoring (taking action on their behalf), or teaching (transferring knowledge). Early in my mentoring journey, I got this wrong. I kept asking coaching questions when someone needed practical examples from my experience. They disengaged. I learned that mentoring means being direct about what you’ve seen and done, not performing neutrality.
As an engineering manager leading a distributed team across three countries, I’ve relied heavily on my own mentors and connected team members with mentors outside our immediate group. I’ve seen what works from both sides.
This talk covers practical approaches to finding mentors beyond formal programs (peer mentors, next-level career mentors, reverse mentors) and how to build relationships that go beyond surface advice. You’ll learn how to mentor effectively: seeing potential others miss, sharing experience directly, and knowing when someone needs a mentor versus a coach. Through real stories from both sides, you’ll leave with concrete next steps.
Key takeaways
- Recognize the difference between mentoring, coaching, sponsoring, and teaching and know when each is needed
- Find mentors who genuinely invest in your growth, not ones checking boxes
- Mentor effectively by sharing lived experience directly, not hiding behind coaching questions
